The voices in my head

Before Jebba came into my life.

I have conversations in my head – ALWAYS. It may have begun when I was small and had a make believe friend named Jebba. I don’t remember her, but my older siblings assure me she existed, if only in my mind.  Maybe it is like that for everyone.  I think that’s why I write. If I put one of those “in my head” conversations to print, then I can move on to the next conversation – and the next.  It’s my way of sorting things out.  It’s also my way of preparing a lecture, life lesson, or a battle plan when approaching a dilemma with a service provider or insurance claim representative.  (I could expound all day on the subject of insurance claim battles.) Maybe everyone has those conversations.

Some days the conversations are dull and unworthy of sharing.  Some days I want to have something fabulous to say and there really isn’t much there.  Other days I stumble upon great ideas when I am not near a computer or pencil and paper.  The awesome thought leaves and seldom returns.  I don’t like that.

I discovered a definition of writer’s block on Pinterest the other day.  Check it out HERE!  I think the description is correct!  If I can’t hear the thoughts in my head, they never seem to make it to the page. Those are the days that I struggle to be productive.  Should I sit here and force myself to write something? Anything?  Or … should I get up and do something more physically demanding until the conversation begins on its own?

I’m really not crazy.  I’m just a writer struggling to find the magic formula that gets readers to follow and engage in the conversation. After all, if the reader joins in, my friends won’t all have to be make believe! 

Save a writer’s sanity – read and reply!

Happy Reading!

Call me “Scaredy Cat!”

I have this little problem with technology.  I am a bit afraid of it!  I don’t have a fear that I might push the wrong button and crash my computer.  I am afraid of undoing something I have already done. (I hate wasted effort and wasted money, although I am very good at wasting time.) I am deathly afraid of updates! My wireless printer is so very convenient, but it keeps giving me an “Updates Available” message and I keep ignoring it!  You see, I am also a creature of habit and I am reluctant to create change in my workspace.  Comfort – it might be my undoing.  Imagine my dismay when my oldest son who was visiting for the weekend walked by my printer, noticed the message, and touched the “OK” button!  I gave him a threatening look.  He just shook his head and walked off.  I have yet to discover if he broke anything.

When I had my first cell phone I was notorious for letting the battery get too low.  My husband would chastise me for not carrying my phone.  “Oh, I had it, but the battery was dead,” was my typical response. I enjoyed my first camera phone and clung to it for years. My last camera phone recently gave up the ghost.  When the screen died and I could no longer tell if it was OFF or ON or whether I was sending or receiving a text, I knew it was time for a new phone.  Did I mention I’m not good with change? The same oldest son convinced me to get an iPhone. I didn’t want to pay for the data package (wasted money?) nor was I crazy about learning to use something different.  I was also feeling a little guilty about the indulgence.

For the first few days I took some really great pictures, sent text messages easily, and added my contacts. (By the way – you may want to message me your phone number as I lost them all when the flip phone died.) I continued to feel guilty about the data package. I then determined to use the phone as it was made to be used.  It changed my life! It is a much better communicator than my old phone friend.  For instance, I had a meeting the other for which I was going to be a few minutes late.  Unfortunately, I did not have the individual’s phone number in my contacts, but she is a friend on Facebook.  I couldn’t send a text message, but I was able to send a Facebook message!  Problem solved.  Everything from Map my Run to the organization tools it offers is making things better for me.  I have scripture references at my fingertips and a stop watch I can actually see. My grocery list is now on my phone. Not to mention being able to Face Time with my grandkids!

Silly me.  What took me so long? I’m loving my new phone!

What good things have you embraced that you were previously afraid to face?

Voice Mail

My brother left a message on my answering machine just days before he unexpectedly passed away. It has been nearly four months since we said goodbye. The messages have been piling up. I didn't want to delete his message, but I wasn't courageous enough to listen for it as I deleted the others. I have been waiting for the “right time.” I tend to do that a lot. I put things off in hopes that I will somehow be stronger or more emotionally prepared for the task. Many of those things are left undone. The answering machine wouldn't wait. With only seconds of recording time left, I knew it was time to do the listening – ready or not.

So I listened. It was as if he were phoning me anew. His voice was the same as I remembered – the same inflections, the same pauses, the same dry wit.

The time was right. The message, itself really of no import, brought joy rather than the anticipated pain.

Aren't we blessed to have the gift of time? It truly does heal all wounds. With time, pain lessens and memories become sweeter.

Blessed, too, are we to have the gift of technology. It can help us embrace our gift of time.

Excuses?

I'm feeling a bit dumpy - creatively speaking. It could be because I haven't recorded my thoughts in awhile. I usually blame not recording my thoughts on a creative slump. Which comes first?

These are my excuses ...
It's track season.
It's tax season.
Cutting down on carbs means I have to spend more time in the kitchen - and the grocery store.
I am training for a race and that means more time in my running clothes.
Someone needs to work the crossword puzzle.
Laundry.
I have to register for college (for my son who is currently out of the country) and I haven't jumped through those hoops in over two decades!
Discouragement. I got another rejection for my novel today.
Distractions. What are my friends doing on facebook? What are they blogging about? What can I find to eat?
... and so forth.

Just what did I accomplish?

I devoted a day to correspondence. I was not certain what I actually accomplished - a number of tasks fell under the "Correspond" category. Some would seem as though they had nothing to do with correspondence, yet their completion made it easier for me to correspond!

* I cleaned out a cabinet. I dumped outdated catalogs in the trash, dusted the cabinet, and restocked it with mailing labels, envelopes and copy paper. This simple act of de-cluttering freed some parts of my brain!

* I calendared some items and tossed the notes and reminders littering my desk. I have found that keeping an accurate calendar prevents missed deadlines and also frees up space in my brain.

* I deleted old and uninteresting email messages.

* I wrote and published a blog entry about my Christmas gifts.

* I put a new ink cartridge in my printer and plugged it in to my recently refurbished, not quite as good as new, laptop. It worked!

* I printed and filed several online receipts that have been in limbo while awaiting a functioning computer.

* I did the daily crossword puzzle in the newspaper to sharpen my word skills.

* I spent time on Facebook.

* I sent text messages to my daughter.

* I composed a scholarship renewal letter for my missionary son.

* I researched scholarship and application deadlines - also for the missionary son.

* I emailed my missionary son.

* I queried three literary agents about my manuscript "A Time to Heal" and I made a spreadsheet to track the queries. I netted three rejections!

* I recorded the correspondence tasks in a notebook and later shared them here!

Fourteen tasks. I suppose the day was fruitful after all.

What I learned?
Those days when you wonder, "Have I done any good?" Make a record of your tasks. You might surprise yourself.

Privacy Protection

My privacy is so well protected I can't hear myself think!

You know the instructions …

“Please reset your password. It must contain a minimum of eight characters with at least one upper case and one lower case letter and two numbers … and no special characters.”

“Please set three security questions. 1) What was the name of your first pet? (I was a kid. How should I know?) 2) The name of your college roommate. (I had lots of those.) 3) What is your grandfather's mother's maiden name? (Let me get out the family bible!)

My son is serving a two year proselyting mission in Brazil. He only calls outside the country on Christmas and Mothers' Day. He lost his debit card three months ago! I ordered a new one and he finally received it three weeks ago. In his weekly email he indicated he was having difficulty using it. I stepped in to the local bank ...

“Everything seems to be working. Did you give him the correct PIN?” I sent another email with the PIN once again. I assumed that was the problem. Another week went by and another email arrived - “Still having trouble with the card. Here is an 800 number for assistance.” I called the 800 number …

“Please give me the last four digits of your social security number to verify your identity.”

“Please give me the number on the card.”

“If you could just ask him if it gives him an error message when he tries to use the card ...”

Me: I cannot call him. I have to wait for an email. He needs access to this account!

“If you could just call him ...”

Me: I can't call him! It will take two weeks to get an answer by email!

“I can't view his account because you are not him.”

Me: I am a co-owner of that account! I have all his information. I have Power of Attorney for him! HE NEEDS ACCESS TO THIS ACCOUNT! It will take two months to order another card and get it to him. Can't you just check to see if it is authorized for international use?

“I am a mother, too, so I understand, but because his name is on the card I can't ...”

Me: My local bank was able to access it last week!

“I would hate to give information to the wrong person ...”

Me: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? HE NEEDS ACCESS TO THIS ACCOUNT!!

“Well you could step in to your local bank and they could VERIFY YOUR IDENTITY.”

Isn't that why I gave her the last four digits of my SSN?

Voice Mail

I have a bit of a problem with voice mail - I forget to check it! The old answering machine system worked for me because the flashing light said to me "Emergency! You have a message!" I could push a button when I walked in the door and listen to the messages as I unloaded my groceries, hung up my coat, placed my keys in a safe place that I would eventually forget about, etc. Voice mail works differently and not so efficiently for me.

Voice mail on my home phone only alerts me when I pick up the phone. I only pick up the phone when I am answering a call or wish to make one. By the time I have completed my call, I have forgotten about the beeping voice mail notification.

I often go several days before feeling the need to check my voice mail. This was a blessing during the recent general election. Why? Thanks to Caller ID I ignored any number that I did not recognize. My reasoning: if it is important, the caller will call back. I checked my voice mail today on this election day. I had thirteen voice messages! Of those thirteen messages, two were legitimate messages, three were from telephone solicitors, and eight were recorded messages from various campaigns around the state. The phone has been very quiet today!

So ... if you really need to contact me - identify yourself! Or ... you can always call back or send me an email. I apologize, but ignoring my voice mail just kind of works for me.