Frozen Digits - from my upcoming book

I made a commitment to post on this blog, or the other one, every day this week. This doesn’t include Sunday.  I take Sundays off.  Today I thought I might share something from the book I am currently writing. (Okay, I’m working on more than one, but this one takes priority.) Although the book is about lessons learned through running, it is not a book just for runners. The running stories are simply a tool to teach a lesson.   Read on and you will see what I mean …

Frozen Digits Lesson

I do my best to run all year long. When the weather turns cold, however, it is often tempting to remain indoors, aborting the morning run for a warmer, more sedentary activity such as sleep. I do love my sleep!  I have learned, however, that I am happier and healthier if I continue to go outside and move year-round.  This is true even when we are suffering a weather inversion that makes the atmosphere dark, cold, and gloomy for weeks on end.

Frost accumulation from inversion air. Check out the eyelashes!

During the winter I don more layers and step out into the brisk winter air.  As I brave the elements and go for a cold weather run, the first mile or two can be rather uncomfortable especially for my fingers and toes.  Experience has taught me that eventually, my frozen digits will respond to the increased blood pumping through my veins and they will warm. During these runs I often find myself removing my cheap knitted gloves because the discomfort of the cold air is no longer a factor. In fact, running has warmed me to the point that I remove the gloves to help cool down.  It is true that if I run in the cold long enough, I become comfortable. I have a cold threshold.  I draw the line when the temperature drops below 10◦! I have not found a lesson in running in weather that cold.  Some runners may.  I don’t intend to find out.

What did I learn from the Frozen Digits Lesson?

Some pain is meant to be endured.  What appears as uncomfortable in the beginning, often transitions into a comfort level once we have put up with it long enough. 

For instance, one can be tempted to avoid a growing experience because he is hesitant to endure the discomforts the experience is sure to present.  Consider the discomfort level of a job change, especially one that involves relocation.  This can be daunting to anyone, especially those with families.  When our children were in high school and middle school, we were presented with an opportunity to relocate for a new job.  We investigated the opportunity and determined that it wasn’t the right fit for us. While we were gathering information to make our decision, our children were in mourning.  Their anticipation of the move was fraught with anxiety.  The decision to move was never made, yet they were convinced their lives were soon to be ruined.  Surely, had we made the change, there would have been a period of adjustment, discomfort, and growth.

Think for a minute of someone who has overcome addictive behavior. Before they begin, the discomfort of change can seem too much to bear.  Just as sleep is more inviting than a run on a cold winter morning, familiarity is more comfortable than the sacrifice required for change.  Before he begins, the smoker might believe he cannot exist without his nicotine.  With each cigarette that is not lit, his body becomes stronger and healthier and he gains mental strength as his confidence increases.  Might he stumble?  Of course, but the longer he endures, the better his hope of success.

When my father passed away, I did not sleep for a week - not well, at least.  This may seem silly to those that struggle with sleep regularly, but I am a good sleeper! I was concerned and saddened by the event, as most would be.  I discovered, however, that as time went by the pain became weaker and the memories grew sweeter.  As I passed a haystack one day, I was reminded that my dad had been an expert hay stacker in his day.  I, on the other hand, had only recently learned that there were patterns to haystacks and my father had a talent for building them.  I smiled as I remembered this and a single tear escaped my eye.  Over the years, the smiles have become more frequent and they are seldom accompanied by tears. 

Does time truly heal all wounds?  I don’t believe every wound is healed by time, but most are healed or softened to some degree.  Others are more easily endured as we continue to bear them.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, and many have quoted him, “That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased.” 

Cold weather running has taught me to be patient during times of difficulty.  Either the trial will pass or I will gain strength to overcome it. Unfortunately, unlike running, it is difficult to measure how long patience must be exercised during life’s difficulties.  When I run in the cold, I can expect that by the time I have completed the first mile, my digits will no longer feel frozen. Life experiences are not quite so predictable, but if you keep running or enduring, sometime the pain may become bearable.

Do you have something in your life that might require a little more patience - a little more enduring before the blessings are realized? Can you resolve to “just keep running?”

Happy Reading!

Springtime at the Greens'

Spring!  I forgot what a whirlwind it can be.  The days grow longer, but it still seems there are not enough hours.  I think that is because we tend to fill up all the daylight! Here is a short rundown of what is happening around my place.

My two college boys moved home for the summer.  That means more.  More food.  More dishes. More noise!

I made a quick trip to Cove and LaGrande, Oregon to visit my sister and do a couple of book signings.  It was fun to meet new people, renew some old acquaintances, and share some readings from my books.  I love to hear people laugh at those things I have penned that I intended to by funny.

I’m training for another half marathon.  A friend who just began running again after many years of not running asked if I would do one with her and promised to train.  We are training together.  She is faster than I and it is challenging me!

I conned some friends into running the Grand Teton Relay in August.  Wowser!  I hope we survive.

I am heading to Pennsylvania in a few days to visit my daughter and her family.  (It’s really about visiting the little girls.)

We are re-landscaping – just because. It is slow going.

The garden is producing lettuce and spinach. That will help with the “more food” challenges listed above.

I am terrorizing a pair of robins as I photograph the happenings in the nest they built outside my bedroom window.  Three little birds and one blue egg remain today.  Poor little robin.  I will have to take another photo tomorrow to see if the last egg hatched.

I’m trying to write.  It is slow going, but I have a plan and I hope to get another book in print by the end of the summer.  We will see.  I can promise it is coming, but then – so is Christmas.

Homemade laundry soap and guilt

I love the scent of line dried clothing!

I just made my own laundry soap.  I didn’t do it out of a desire to connect with my pioneer roots or because I found a pretty picture on Pinterest that made me believe my house would be perfectly clean and organized if I made my own soap.  I didn’t do it because my mother made laundry soap with lye when I was a child and I was feeling reminiscent.  I did it out of guilt.

The leaders of my Faith have long taught that we should be prepared and frugal.  In event of an emergency we will not only be able to take care of ourselves, but lend aid to those around us. We call this preparation Provident Living. Some aspects of Provident Living are easier for me to comply with than others.  It’s easy for me to grow a garden because my husband does that.  He has a Green thumb. I enjoy reaping what he sows and find great satisfaction in filling mason jars with the bounty.  Physical health is also in my skill set.  I try to exercise regularly, eat a healthy (somewhat) diet and I know a few home remedies that come in handy on weekends and holidays. That’s when everybody always gets sick. Spiritual health is another goal I am continually pursuing.

I am not so good at storing sundries.  I told a friend once that I always think things should last longer than the do – for instance, a bottle of lotion.  She made a profound observation.

“I think that is just mortality.  Things are always wearing out.”  Good point.

Anyway, back to the guilt.  In our pursuit of Provident Living, we often have workshops aimed at Emergency Preparedness and Frugality.  I have participated in the Laundry Soap Lesson on more than one occasion and I have been skeptical.  I would rather clip a coupon than purchase all the ingredients to combine to make a mess while assembling the powdered cleaner.  I ignored the lesson and the counsel to store laundry soap. Recently, however, I was given a sample of the product and informed that it costs about $.03 per load.  Three cents!  My clothes seemed to come out just as clean as they did with my high efficiency, Oxi-added, liquid soap.  Maybe it was time to bite the bullet and be obedient.

The first step is a bit aromatic and my husband complained.

“What stinks?”

“It’s part of the laundry soap I’m making.  I’m trying to be obedient,” I replied.

“It’s making me sneeze.”

I promised it wouldn’t last forever and that it was a way to save lots of money.  That seemed to suffice.

I now have approximately six months’ supply of laundry soap in a bucket. It cost me about $15. I need to make another batch to be truly prepared.  Oh … and obtain a large bucket and a hand held dasher to really get the job done!  I’ve got a small washboard I use as a decoration.  I think that will have to suffice for now.  I would hate to get carried away!

What are you doing to be frugal, be prepared, or be obedient?

5 Reasons why I paint my toes ...

It is easier to walk around in flip flops while the polish dries than to keep my hands still.

Toenails grow slower than fingernails so the paint job lasts longer.

It is easy to cover toes with shoes if the color doesn’t match your outfit.

Summer.

Running – because nobody knows if your nails are black when they have a coat of paint on them.

Oh, look!  The polish matches the blood from a long run!

I'm Back - Again!

 I've been neglecting my blog again, but in my defense - I've been a bit busy!  I had to bake cookies ...

 And go to the zoo ...

 Ride a train ...

 Visit the Amish ...

And the beach ...

 And go for a run!

It is so hard to be a grandma!

What's in a word?

As I mentioned in my last post, sometimes the creative process needs a little help.  Thanks to a few friends who offered words to challenge me, I came up with these little ditties.  Enjoy the fruits of this literary labor.

Hippy via Spencer Green

 

A Mississippi hippie named Skippy got lippy 'cause his sissy named Missy grew hippy.

Waffle-Iron via Reggie Stevenson

A wandering wallaby wanted to wash worries away with well water. He watched, waited, and wondered why a woman was wailing “whoops!” while her waffle-iron went wobbling westward.

Befuddled via Lauralee Sorensen Hart

Puzzled, muddled, and befuddled, the pup huddled where he puddled. (Or maybe he puddled where he huddled?)

Fenugreek via Lauralee Sorensen Hart

There once was a Finn named Leif

Who loved eating olives from Greece.

Leif's best friend was Sven

who just wouldn't eat

those luscious olives from Greece!

When Leif couldn't sleep

Friend Sven said, “You should eat

not olives, but this fenugreek.”

Now Leif eats fenugreek.

Some think Leif's a Greek

And the Finn says friend Sven is a geek!

Orange via Marie Olson

Opal only orates of oval objects or opines of edible orbs of oranges.

Parma's First Annual Turkey Trot

Writing is like parenting. If you focus too heavily on one baby, the others get neglected. I have been attempting to be more consistent with my examiner.com work and I discovered my blog is not getting the attention it deserves. So much to write – so little time!

Really cool shirt

Parma's First Annual Turkey Trot was held Thanksgiving Day! The most official thing about it was the shirt … oh, and the distance – 5K.

Very tired shoes

We gathered before dinner in an attempt to burn some of the calories we were sure to consume. Clothed in our pretty red shirts, hats, gloves, and running shoes we followed a course on the edge of town. (Definition for those who live in the city: Town; a small residential cluster surrounding local businesses in a rural community.) Our group consisted of walkers, runners, and those who couldn't make up their mind. Run? Walk? Run/walk? It didn't matter, everyone got outside, breathed some fresh air, and burned off a few more calories than they would have had they remained inside watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Yum!

Did I mentioned we ate cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate to celebrate? I also found that my Thanksgiving Dinner plate, loaded as usual, did not provide the usual anticipated guilt. Oh, I'm certain I consumed more calories than I needed for fuel that day, but I did offset it just a tad compared to years past. Besides, I got a really cool shirt!

Angel Walk - Part Two

Part Two as promised ...

And we're off!

Wait. Let's back up just a bit. May 14 was a big race day in the Treasure Valley. Hundreds participated in the Famous Idaho Potato Marathon event running 5K, 10K, half marathon and marathon races. Others, myself included, ran in Homedale. We had no race clock nor bib numbers. Nobody strapped a chip timer to his or her ankle. There were no prizes or free stuff at the end of the race except for a paper cup full of water. Or was there a prize?

Homedale Band

The event, Angel Walk, was held in honor and support of Angel Rios-Salas, a second grader at Homedale Elementary suffering from Stage II Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Friends of the family organized the event. When I arrived about 45 minutes prior to the race to register and receive my “Angel Walk” t-shirt, I heard music and observed a small band. Children were cavorting and soon engaged in tug-of-war games with bragging rights going mostly to the young ladies! I am sure the boys were letting them win. Angel's second grade teacher emceed the event and his classmates sang The Star Spangled Banner. I cried when Angel and his parents were ushered on stage and smiled when Angel refused, with a grin and a shake of his head, to say anything to the crowd.

Then we ran, because we could. Others walked, because they could. Many of his friends rode their bikes three miles to support Angel, because they could. It was a beautiful day for a race and a wonderful way to celebrate life and to support a young man who is fighting for his.

Snake River in Homedale

When asked, “Why Idaho?” I often think of the mountain peaks, the lakes and rivers, and even the high desserts that form this land, but if I stop to truly reflect on Idaho, my answer ought to be, “Because angels walk here.”

Another Reason to Run

I intend to be an octogenarian. It isn't really a lofty goal. You see, I come from a long line of octogenarians. It's in my genes. I also have stroke, Type II Diabetes, and heart disease as hereditary risk factors. And so … I run.

They way I see it, if I am going to be eighty-something, or even ninety-something (let's stop there!) I would like to keep my faculties as long as I can. What good does it do to reach a goal if one can't enjoy it once she arrives? And so … I run.

I am running away from a stroke. Running lowers my blood pressure.

I am running away from diabetes. Running keeps my weight down, thus controlling my blood sugar.

I am running from heart disease. Lub dub, lub dub, lub dub.

Can I beat all the risk factors? Maybe not, but I figure my odds are better if I try to outrun them than if I open the door and invite them in!

And so … I run!

Another Running Lesson

Non-runners often wonder what makes runners want to run. Why do we do it? There isn't just one answer, and frankly, runners don't always know why they run. They can, however, tell you many things that running teaches them. This is just one lesson:

Walking is not an option.

Running is and always will be hard. The farther one can run, the farther he must push himself. The greater his condition, the faster he goes. He often wants to stop. What a luxury it would be just to stop and walk for a minute. He could catch his breath, work out a kink or two, and then run again when he felt stronger. During every run, and especially during every race, the thought crosses his mind, “I would really like to walk.”

Sometimes he does. When he does indulge in this luxury, he finds he feels better – for a moment. Then he must run again, and picking up the pace is difficult. He also finds that he is tempted more frequently to take a breather and walk. It is better to continue to run.

I sometimes find myself there, not on the road or the track, but in life. So many times it would feel good to just walk a bit – to rest. Unfortunately, when I feel the most like resting are the times it is critical to keep moving forward. A breather could prove costly!

“I would really like to walk,” but walking is not an option. It is better to continue to run.

How to Make Your Own Tribal Tattoo

Ever wanted to try one on for size, but were afraid of the pain and long term consequences of committing to the real thing?  Well, try this instead.
A-  Commit to joining some friends for a 22 mile hike.
B - Don a pair of capri length running pants, running shoes, and dorky crew socks.
C - Apply sunscreen.
D - Apply insect repellent.
E - Tromp around mountain trails for eight hours.
F - Remove shoes and socks.

Voila!  You now have a custom, semi permanent, tribal tattoo.  Yes, it washes off, but not without a fair amount of hot soapy water!  The same guarantee does not exist for running shoes.  I don't know if they will ever come clean!

Ready or Not!

Someday I’m going to write another book entirely about pain. In the meantime, I’ll share a few thoughts about the subject. I do not believe that life should be lived pain free. Rather, the goal is to live life in spite of pain.
I am a runner. This is a relatively new definition of me. I began running two and a half years ago. I don’t especially love running. Running loves me.
Why I run …
It is a cheap form of exercise. The only equipment needed is a good pair of shoes. No membership fees, no fuel expenses, nor any special gear is required. A few cute running shirts and pants are fun, but they are not critical to participation.
It is convenient. Just step out the front door.
It improves other parts of my life. I have greater endurance during other activities such as waterskiing and snow skiing. It makes me sweat and that has to be good. I have a great blood pressure reading.
I am afraid of age onset diabetes.
What I have learned …
Running hurts. As a non-runner I often supposed that running was easy for runners. It is not. If running were easy it would be called walking.
Injuries happen. They are mostly of the strain and tendonitis type, but injuries do happen.
RICE. Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevation.
Vitamin I. (Ibuprofen)
Pain does not always mean “Stop!”
Pain sometimes means “STOP!”
Where the fun is …
Racing.
5Ks and 10Ks.
Sprint Triathlons.
It’s not about them (those real runners passing me) it’s about me.
Talking about the races. Wearing the goofy race t-shirts. Thinking about the next race. Cheering on fellow racers. Looking around and seeing how far you’ve come.
Mostly, the fun is, knowing you are doing something painful today that will help you stick around longer tomorrow.

I'm a Real Biker Gal Now!

I've been a bit smug as of late.  My husband has wrestled with many a flat tire since taking up his road bike hobby.  I, on the other hand, have not - until a week ago!  I ran right over that big sharp rock I had in my sights.  I was attempting to avoid it!  Funny thing about sighting in on something, I am always sure to connect! Just like a tree on a ski hill, I went right for that rock, and my tire went flat. Not so smug anymore.
That, however, pales in comparison to my Independence Day Ride!  I've ridden 15 miles on occasion.  I usually  prefer about 9 to 11 miles, but we wanted to have a "Family Activity."  We packed up the saddle bags with Gatorade and frozen water bottles, added a few granola bars, and spare bike tubes and off we pedaled!

My biking companions?

The funny thing about riding twenty miles out is that you have to ride that far back home.  Our first stop was Wilder around mile nine.  Down the hill and past the golf course to Homedale we flew only to discover all the ice cream shops were either closed for the holiday or opening later in the day.  What?  Nobody wants to sell ice cream at 9:00 am?
Homedale was quiet, as was the countryside meandering northwest towards Adrian.  At least it was quiet until the guy with the pickup and stock trailer came barreling down a hill towards a corner.  Same corner at which I would meet him!  It was him or the gravel!  I chose the gravel and the gravel won!

Now maybe I was a little scared and took the corner just a bit wide.  Maybe he didn't see me in my bright yellow shirt as I trailed my husband (bright red shirt) and son (another bright yellow shirt).
Maybe he thought he owned the road and I had no right to share it.  Maybe ... he thought if he slowed down to see if I was alive I would memorize his license plate and complain to the authorities!
Alas, my handlebar wrap is shredded, my chain came off and I had to repair it, and I have a nice case of road rash to brag about!

Road Rash!

Did I mention I had to ride another twenty miles home?

Very Tired!

I think I qualify as a real biker gal now!

Rats!

Raging rains wreak ruin as rapidly rising rivers run rampant o'er rocks resting risking rafters' recreation rudely wrecking our reunion!

Just a little cerebral exercise when writer's block threatens.

Surely Shod

I've been running now for close to four years.  In that time I have worn and worn out four pairs of what I thought were running shoes.  In that same time, my son with the large feet, has shredded twice as many as I.  He has recently been suffering from a foot injury - tendonitis.  It could be a stress fracture, but that is only determined by a bone scan or MRI. (That's kind of like saying, "The only diagnosis for Mad Cow Disease is a brain autopsy.")  We are treating for tendonitis.

The treatment includes an anti-inflammatory drug, cold therapy (soak it in a bucket of icewater), taping for support, rest (he can begin resting as track season is over), and most recently, new shoes.  For the first time in the history of Green Family Runners, we visited a bona fide running store.  Amazing!

Here is what we learned:

• He over-pronates.  This means he strikes the pavement with the outside of his foot and "snaps" it inward, thus straining supporting tendons.  Hence, the foot injury.
• High definition video is awesome for diagnosing over-pronation!
• Shoes make a difference.  In this case, stability shoes.
• Shoe shredding is a symptom of combined over-pronation and inferior shoes.
• All athletic shoe manufacturers price all performance shoes from $90 - $109!
• If the original price of a "running" shoe is under $90, expect shredding!
• Over $109?  Too much shoe.  You're gonna get ripped off!
• How much does it cost to find a good shoe?  FREE! 

The shop owner did not have the right shoe for us, but he directed us to a location that would, and guess what? We found them on sale!  Original price - $99.  Twenty dollars off?  SOLD! I expect to see less shredding and improved tendons.  I should also net a savings due to the decreased shredding!

Guess what else?  I've told all my friends to go see "the guy at Pulse Running & Fitness" in Meridian. He took time to help us and didn't get the sale, but he will get more in the future.  This guy knows how to pay it forward.

Happy running - or shredding!  You pick!

A Change of Course

Sometimes the best path to follow is a change of course.  Road construction is an obvious reason to divert ones path, however, there are a number of other circumstances which might give cause for correction ...

• The path became dangerous.  
• Obstacles.
• The initial goal was good, but a better one presented itself.
• The path was not good to begin with. 

So it was that my running buddy and I changed our plans to run a 10K race on May 14.  We had a training schedule and were doing our best to follow it, but the path became dangerous when the spring weather refused to cooperate.  The day we ran four miles in heavy wind was the beginning of the course change.  How would we ever train for six miles in this weather?

Obstacles?  She fought an ankle injury.  I caught a cold.  We kept training, however, less enthusiastically than we would have liked.

Our original plan to pay the $40 registration fee and run a six mile race with hundreds of other runners was a good one, but we found a better one.  This race might not have a famous name, but the logistics are better.  The registration fee is only $15, the race will be small, it is closer to home, and best of all it will benefit a young man fighting a serious illness.

So we've corrected our course.  We are well prepared as the original path conditioned us for the one we will actually follow.  Sometimes those little detours are the very things we need to prepare us for the journey ahead.

I Heart Track!

That's right. I LOVE track season. Either you get it or you don't. For those who don't, I'll try to explain why.
* I get to hang out with friends that I haven't seen in awhile. They are fellow parents of tracksters who are busy cheering their offspring on in various other sports throughout the year.
* Although ski season is coming to an end, I get to don my ski gear just a bit longer as I weather the weather!
* Gatorade, granola bars, and string cheese.
* There is something for everyone. Fast, strong, or just persistent, track offers an event for everyone's strong suit.
* PR's (Personal Records) Every athlete can have a great day even if he does nothing more than improve upon his best performance.
* Excitement. Winners are determined in seconds, minutes, and by fractions of inches.
* Camaraderie. Track athletes cheer for the success of their fellow teammates, even when that success might cost them a spot on a relay team.
* The Unexpected. On any given day, the favored to win might false start, fall on a hurdle, miss his mark, or drop a baton, leaving the door wide open for an upset and ensuing elation for the surprise victor.
* Inspiration. I seldom cry at other sporting events. However, tears are routine at track meets and I don't even have to know the participants. When the 110 Meter Hurdler catches a toe and leaves skin on the track, I cry. When the last runner crosses the finish line of the 3200 Meter Run having been lapped twice by faster athletes, I cry. When my own child turns in a stellar performance, I cry. When that same child competes in his or her last high school track event, you can bet I cry! And when it snows, sometimes I want to cry!
I heart track!

How to Snow Ski

I know the temperatures flirted with 70 degrees this week, but I can assure you it isn't spring yet! I'm still hitting the slopes. For those of you who have thought about it, but are still a bit too timid to try, here is a tutorial to help you decide. For the avid skier, it's just fun to reminisce.

Step One: Find a Friend

The initial desire to snow ski most often occurs when one becomes acquainted with an avid skier. Just as yawning can be contagious, the excitement emitted by skiing enthusiasts promotes envy and curiosity not easily denied. Hopefully, the skiing friend is also blessed with good communication skills and abundant patience.

Step Two: Find a Mountain

Any mountain will do, as long as it comes equipped with snow and some form of mountain ascending apparatus such as a chair lift, gondola, tram, or even the ever eventful rope tow. Instructions will follow.

Step Three: Locate Equipment

A few items of protective gear are necessary to ensure fun and safety on his maiden voyage into the great white wonderland of downhill skiing. Clothing that is both warm and comfortable is most suitable. Style is underrated at this point in one’s skiing career. It is folly to don expensive clothing that will only call attention to one as he is careening out of control down a mountain slope! Something that screams, “I borrowed all these clothes because I really don’t know what I’m doing and don’t plan to invest in style until I have survived my first outing,” will gain the most tolerance and empathy from onlookers. Layers of clothing will provide the most warmth and cushion. Yes, cushion will be needed! Gloves, socks, and some kind of head wear will protect extremities from the cold and other occurrences. A helmet is recommended. Other necessary items are eye covering (sunglasses or goggles will do), ski boots, skis, poles, and Ibuprofen.

Step Four: Tap Savings Account

Skiing is not an inexpensive sport! After the obvious costs of equipment and ski passes, one must face the hidden costs associated with this winter sport.

Transportation to ski resort. Do you live in Vail, Colorado? Probably not. Then some sort of travel will be required, whether by train, plane, bus, or the ever affordable thumb. Yes, skiers do hitchhike.

Lunch money. It isn’t called a resort for nothing. Food is not cheap on the mountain. After paying the exorbitant lift ticket price, one will be determined to spend the entire day to “get his money’s worth.” Hunger will ensue. Depending on the notoriety of the resort, one may eat a sack lunch in the friendly local lodge, or he may pay as much as ten dollars for a bowl of soup and three dollars for the bottle of water required to wash down two Ibuprofen tablets.

Rental fees. Unless one is fortunate enough to have a friend with not-so-used equipment and the boots just happen to fit, he will be required to pay an average of $30 for rental equipment. This is not a year long lease. It only covers use for one day on the mountain!

Replacement gloves. See rope tow instructions.

Chiropractor or emergency room fees.

Step Five: Travel to Ski Area

Did you remember the Dramamine? The trip to the ski hill, unless originating in the mountains, will require some travel upward. If one is fortunate, a highway may deposit him at the base of the mountain. More often, several miles of sharp hairpin curves precede arrival at a ski area. One of the most notable is Bogus Basin Road. Located a mere sixteen miles from the busy metropolis of Boise, Idaho, Bogus Basin Ski Resort is a relatively well kept secret simply because the trip is not for wimps!

Step Six: Don Ski Gear

After piling layers of clothing onto a shivering body (the shivers may be due to slowed circulation promoted by nervousness) one must now insert feet into ski boots. This may take some time.

Ski boots, however expensive and attractive in color and design, are not typically user friendly, especially for the novice. Fortunately, the human ankle flexes! If one’s youth, agility, and multiple clothing layers permit, bend over and grasp top of boot with both hands, prying it open simultaneously balancing on one leg and inserting toe into top of boot. If one is still upright, transfer entire bulk of body weight onto leg sporting ski boot and attempt to force foot further into boot until sole rests on boot foot bed. If this method is unsuccessful, transfer entire bulk of body weight onto back of friend while said friend pries open ski boot. Insert toe as previously described. When foot is secure in boot foot bed, stand upright and suck in much needed breath. Take two if necessary. Bend over again and tighten buckle clasps, taking care to keep fingers, gloves, cute stocking cap tassels, and other significant items free of boot buckles.

Step Seven: Locate Ice Pack

Having closed boot buckle on index finger, one must quickly apply cold pack to reduce swelling and discoloration. Remember, you are on a mountain in winter. Locate nearest snow bank and plunge finger into the cold source.

Ask friend to buckle boots.

Step Eight: Repeat Step Six

Omit Step Seven if possible!

Step Nine: Click On Bindings

This is the process of attaching skis to boots. Once again, balance or the employment of a patient friend is necessary. Place skis parallel to each other on a flat snowy area. Flat is the operative word. Stand to the left and center of skis.

Ensure ski bindings are in the OPEN position. (You don’t really have time to learn the difference today so just ask your friend to check.)

Grasp a ski pole in each hand and plant firmly into snow on either side of skis.

Raise one foot in preparation to attach binding. This will be surprisingly difficult as ski boots are larger, heavier, and less comfortable than everyday footwear.

Insert right toe of ski boot into front binding of respective ski. In one smooth action, transfer entire body weight onto right leg and catch rear binding squarely with heal of boot. Anticipate loud click confirming binding is engaged.

No click? You missed, or you wimped out! Try again. This time, keep boot straight and actually transfer weight onto right leg rather than onto the security of ski poles.

Step Ten: Whoa!

I said “flat” snowy area. Skies will lie deceptively still until weight is applied, at which time they will travel in a downward direction – forward or backwards – depending on the slope of the snow they are resting upon!

If you maintained possession of your ski poles during your little ride, use them to help yourself to a standing position. Ski should still be attached to boot. If not, pick it up and repeat Step Nine.

Step Eleven: Locate Left Ski

Once you are upright, get a visual on your missing ski. Then get a visual on a nice looking stranger close to your ski and call to them, pleading for assistance. Your skier friend will be of no service as he is currently engulfed in tearful guffaws.

Step Twelve: Repeat Step Nine

Successfully. At this point your friend should have recovered from his belly busting bliss and is now ready to instruct you in mobility and control.

Step Thirteen: Mobility

Can you do the splits? Commonly known as a snow plow or piece of pizza, the wedge is the first ski technique (after apparel donning and equipment engagement) one must learn. Mastering the wedge allows for stopping and turning, two very important skills for an individual careening downhill on a tree lined slope.

This is accomplished by bringing the tips of ones skis almost in touching position while spreading feet and ends of skis far, FAR apart. When performed properly, the wedge feels as if one is attempting the Chinese Splits!

Step Fourteen: Quack, Quack!

Having perfected the “stop” skill of the wedge, it is now time to move. Maintaining wedge position, begin walking like a duck. This will allow you to move up or downhill, as well as apply brakes when necessary. Make your way to the rope tow.

Step Fifteen: Do the Shuffle

Failing to make skis move, tiring of the wedge, and desperately needing relief of wedge induced hip cramps, give up and do the shuffle. This is not an approved ski technique, rather an act of desperation. It is accomplished by attempting to walk in ones skis. Unfortunately, the forward motion of one foot forces the slick underside of the opposite snow ski in a backwards direction, resulting in one step forward – three-quarters step back.

Not to worry, skier friend will presently become frustrated and help you to the rope tow. This will involve holding on to his ski pole while he drags you forward, or having his gloved hands push you from behind. Either way, you get a much needed rest!

Step Sixteen: Encounter the Rope Tow

It’s not really a rope. It’s a cable! And you have to hold onto it while it drags you up the bunny (beginner) hill. You must now forget everything you have learned about skiing techniques to-date. In other words, “Don’t snow plow!”

Duck walk or shuffle your way to a position lateral (that means beside) the moving cable. Skis should be parallel to one another and parallel to the cable. Hopefully, the snowy surface beneath is flat!

Squat. That’s right, bend knees so that legs are flexed and springy! This may be difficult depending upon the time and energy exhausted while learning the wedge position!

Maintaining squatting stance and keeping skis straight, gently move hands into a position around the cable similar to that of a golfer’s grip. Patiently close hands around cable and allow it to pull you towards the top of the slope. Immediately the need for springy flexed legs will become apparent. Now the rope tow is in charge!

If one is able to maintain his stance, the cable will bring him safely to top of slope where he must quickly let go of the cable, move skis into a slight wedge to allow them to turn away from the cable, and then form a stronger wedge to come to a complete stop.

Unfortunately, this is easier instructed than accomplished.

Step Seventeen: Damage Control

That little stance while holding onto cable wasn’t so easy, was it? Having moved several yards along the tow path before losing one’s balance and crashing to the ground, skier must now repeat Steps Ten, Nine, Sixteen and quite possibly Step Eleven. In that order! Skier friend will once again be doubled over in uncontrollable fits of laughter.

Repeat Step Sixteen successfully.

Step Seventeen: Ski!

Having made his way to the top of a small slope – remember, bunny hill is short for, “You really don’t have any business being here” – it is now time to careen down the slope. Maintain a wedge! Point skis downhill and let ‘em run! Do one’s best to avoid contact with any object not made of snow such as other skiers and/or their equipment. It would be good to cover some control and turning points; however, the skier and this writer are nearly exhausted. Skier will most assuredly be too excited or scared to recall any techniques other than the wedge; therefore, those points will not be covered at this time.

Step Eighteen: Do One or More of the Following.

Take four Ibuprofen, see your chiropractor, or … visit the emergency room of the nearest hospital.